from a mother with love

From A Mother With Love

Dear Child,

I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home.

Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived
here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have
to change their address.

This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.

Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The
first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days.
The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a
little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut
them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the
funeral home.

They said if we don't make the last payment on Grandma's grave, up she
comes. John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were worried
because it took him two hours to get me and Shelby out.

Your sister had a baby this morning but I haven't found out what it is
yet, so I don't know if you're an aunt or an uncle. If the baby is a
girl, your sister is going to name it after me, she's going to call it
Mom.

Uncle Pete fell in a whiskey vat last week. Some man tried to pull him
out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated and he
burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was
driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your two friends
were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate
down.

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.

PS, I was going to send you some money but the envelope was already sealed.

what...... the......F***?

...what....?

I'll say

so will i

do you get it! lol

i half get it.

omg! that is so funny! i actually get most of it! [for once!]

I think I get it... but it isn't funny, apart from the last bit

yeah, the last part was good. i kind of get some of the other parts.

funny, but my uncle steve ran 4 congress

i get it all!!!!!!!! SO funny...

btw- wats up wit ur uncle?

lolz

???