Kowl Slaws Quotes

......no (sarcasm.)

ok

With the exception of the odd serial killer, and car salesmen who think of them as the perfect unit for measuring trunk space, nobody likes a dead whore. (“Yeah, you can get five-maybe six dead hookers in this baby.”)

I forgot what this is from, I just remember the line.

You can’t beat a dead whore in the morning,” said Nick Cavuto cheerfully, because apparently, everyone loves a dead hooker, despite what certain writer types might think.

Another quote from the same book.

"I know that Aunt Esther would love to see you, even if you are strung out on the crack."

Yet another quote from that book.

We leave a note saying that Jared has impregnated me and we’re running off together to join a satanic cult, so my mother won’t panic when she wakes up, because she’s totalitarian about leaving notes.

Once again, another quote from that book.

what kinds of "books" do you read anyway ?

Mike Huckabee
"And the ultimate thing is, I may not be the expert that some people are on foreign policy, but I did stay in a Holiday Inn Express last night."

"The point I'm trying to make is that, on the campaign trail, nobody’s going to be able, if they've been campaigning as hard as we have been, to keep up with every single thing, from what happened to Britney last night to who won 'Dancing with the Stars.'" --explaining why he was unfamiliar with the National Intelligence Estimate on Iran's nuclear capability

Mitt Romney:
"PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air." --on strapping his dog to the top of the car

Hillary Clinton:
"We are going to take things away from you on behalf of the common good."

"God bless the America we are trying to create."

Rudy Giuliani:
"I do know a lot about intensive questioning and intensive questioning techniques. … Now, intensive questioning works. If I didn't use intensive questioning, there would be a lot of mafia guys running around New York right now and crime would be a lot higher in New York than it is. Intensive question has to be used." --on why he supports waterboarding torture

"They talk about sleep deprivation. I mean, on that theory, I'm getting tortured running for President of the United States. That's plain silly." --joking about torture

"I'm rooting for the Red Sox. I'm an American League fan and I go with the American League team." --on the 2007 World Series, committing blasphemy for a so-called Yankee die-hard

"Hello, dear. I'm talking to the members of the N.R.A. right now. Would you like to say hello? I love you, and I'll give you a call as soon as I'm finished, O.K.? O.K., have a safe trip. Bye-bye. Talk to you later, dear. I love you." --answering a cell phone call from his wife during the middle of a speech to the NRA

"I'm probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world." --while visiting Britain

"We don't all agree on everything. I don't agree with myself on everything."

"Freedom is about authority. Freedom is about the willingness of every single human being to cede to lawful authority a great deal of discretion about what you do."

John McCain:
"F**k you! I know more about this than anyone else in the room." --to Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX), during a testy exchange about immigration legislation

"There are neighborhoods in Baghdad where you and I could walk through those neighborhoods today." --prior to visiting a Baghdad market while being flanked by 22 soldiers, 10 armored Humvees, and two Apache attack helicopters

"You know that old Beach Boys song, Bomb Iran? Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran."

"I had something picked out for you, too - a little IED (improvised explosive device) to put on your desk." --to Jon Stewart

Barack Obama:
"In case you missed it, this week, there was a tragedy in Kansas. Ten thousand people died -- an entire town destroyed." --on a Kansas tornado that killed 12 people

Joe Biden (WARNING: RACISM):
"I mean, you got the first mainstream African-American who is articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy. I mean, that's a storybook, man." --on Barack Obama

"I got tested for AIDS. I know Barack got tested for AIDS. There's no shame in being tested for AIDS. It's an important thing."

"You cannot go to a 7-11 or a Dunkin' Donuts unless you have a slight Indian accent. ... I'm not joking."

Tommy Thompson:
"I'm in the private sector and for the first time in my life I'm earning money. You know that's sort of part of the Jewish tradition and I do not find anything wrong with that. I enjoy that." --speaking to the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism

"I was very sick the day of the debate. I had all of the problems with the flu and bronchitis that you have, including running to the bathroom. I was just hanging on. I could not wait until the debate got off so I could go to the bathroom." --on why he said at a GOP presidential debate that an employer should be allowed to fire gay workers, after previously having blamed a faulty hearing aid for his answer

Newt Gingrich:
"The American people believe English should be the official language of the government. ... We should replace bilingual education with immersion in English so people learn the common language of the country and they learn the language of prosperity, not the language of living in a ghetto." --speaking to the National Federation of Republican Women (Watch Gingrich apologize in Spanish: http://wonkette.com/politics/newt-gingrich/learn-spanish-the-damage-control-way-with-newt-249848.php)

"I'd forgotten how big a tourist attraction I am."

lots of quotes

my name is michal j. caboose, and i hate babys

i did that already

"Dammit, they stole my kidney!"
-charlie; charlie the unicorn.

what would you like for breakfast, johnny? MUFFINS!!!!!
-whoever made the "muffins" video on youtube

YES!!!!! IT WORKED!!!

seen it a billion times

and?

razbrry