Finish The Story

To their suprise, a lone figure shuffled out of the shadows.
"What ye' be doing in mah house?" rasped the figure, before hunching over into a coughing fit.
"I...we're sorry, we were tired and looking for a rest." said the light, slightly worried about just whose shack they had wandered into.
Slowly, out of the darkness, an old man with two eyepatches shuffled out.
"My name be Garlflax, the double blind pirate," said Garlflax, the double blind pirate, "Welcome to my humble abode."

"What'r 'ye be doin' this far oot in the galaxy?" said Garlflax,"and what ar' yer names?"

"Well, I'm just a condensed ball of light, I don't really have a name....and the other one is just air."
"Hrmph."

Three Days Later:
"When do you think that we will get to Flan?" sighed the light.
"Well, the trip usually takes about 4 days in a star cruiser," responded the air, "But we don't have a star cruiser...."
"Damn straight!" yelled Garlflax.
The light screamed and jumped onto his feet.
"Where did you come from?" yelled the light.
"I've been following ye the whole time!"

"Jebus Chryst!" yelled Jebus.
"Hey!" exclaimed the light. "We clearly didnt even notice you."
"Yeah," interrupted the air. "You are quite a sneaky little.......whatever you are."
Looking just a bit offended, Garlflax.....

...snuck off into the woods, muttering and looking over his sholder.

"Jebus," said the light harshly, "You not even in this story anymore! Would you kindly go jump off a cliff?"
Jebus, obviously unaware that he was not a character in this story anymore, jumped off a cliff.
"Well." huffed the air.

That night, they had set up a campfire. While they were sitting around....

.....Jebus fell from the sky onto the campfire.

"WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM????" exclaiimed the air. "Didnt we tell him to go jump off a cliff, like, 6 hours ago?"

While Jebus was burning, and the light and the air were roasting marshmallows,.......

...they heard a ruslting in the bushes. Ever so methodically, the light pulled out his crossbow.
The air put a finger over his mouth, the universal symbol for "Shut the fuck up".
As the rustling grew louder, and the light aimed his crossbow, all that could be heard was the sound of two hearts beating. And the sound of leaves rustling loudly.
Slowly, out of the bushes emerged a figure. Still shrouded in shadow, and some of the branches from the bush, the figure made a move forward.
The crossbow twanged, the bolt went flying, straight at the unkown intruder.
The figure stoped moving.
The wait only lasted five second, but it felt like a life time to the light.
Suddenly, out of the shadow, and hand emerged. In between its thumb and index finger lay the lone bolt from the light crossbow.
Both the light and air gasped.
Then, peircing the silence, a voice rasped out:
"Now just what the FUCK is goin' on here!?!?
Out of the shadows stepped Garlflax, with a look of anger and constipation on his face.
"Can't a man take a SHIT in thar woods without gerting SHOT at!"
"Erm, sorry Garlflax.." said the air sheepishly.
"Ye' better be damn sorry!" growled Garlflax in return.
The light and air invited him over to their camp fire, where they had a meal of some beans that Garlflax had on him. Then they slept under the stars, every little while squinting into the darkness, searching for other unwelcome intruders.

The next day...

they all had really bad gas because they had too many beans.

the day AFTER that.......

,Still aching from the bean induced cramps, they contunued on their journey, now accompanied by Garlflax, the double blind pirate.

They walked for many days, and sundered many a small squirrel or harmless bird, until one day, they came to an enormous wall.
"Wow...I wonder who built this?" wispered the light, mouth agape and eyes wide open with wonderment.
The spires and towers of the wall seemed to reach out and touch the sky, peircing the clouds, until they were lost, continuing up farther than any living being could fathem, up into the farthest reaches of the heavens.
"Wow..." repeated the light.
After a long while of silence, the air broke the veil of amazment.
"Well, lets get going!"
They turned around, some of them reluctantly, walking back into the forest, and they never, ever, no matter how hard they searched, found the wall with it's towers ever again.

That night, at their camp...

a cold wind blew. The air shivered. The light, concerned about his friend, brightened up, externalizing some heat. But that blew away too. "Damn," the light said.

Garlflax sat up in a tree, high above the campfire, munching on a chimpanze or god knows what. The light and air sat hudled around the fastly diminishing fire, trying to make the heat last as long as it possibly could. After a while, all that was left was a few smoldering cinders.
The night was cold. The light...

, who was also feeling quite frigid, decided to take a saunter through the woods on a snowy evening. In the woods,......

He found a small, snow powdered clearing, and standing in the middle of it was a lone figure. The figure was shrouded in white, and turned to face the light when he walked to it.
"Erm, who are you?" asked the light.
"Who the fuck do you think I am?!" said the figure with the voice of an angry, hungover middle aged man.
"What?" said the light, taken aback.
"I'm the fucking God of Snow, thats who the fuck I am!" said the fucking God of Snow.
"Erm..." the light didn't know just how to respond.
"Do you have any idea how fucking cold it is, being the God of fucking Snow?" the God said, still angry.
"Well, do you?!"
"Erm, cold?" guessed the light, slowly starting to back away.
"Yeah, IT'S PRETTY FUCKING COLD!" screamed the God.
He ran up to the light and grabbed him, shaking him back and forth as he screamed about ice and snow.
The light, finally dropped from the gods icy grip, was starting to get scared. Was this maniac really the God of Snow?

While the God was ranting, the light had an idea.
"If your the God of Snow," said the light, "Then why don't you just melt it?"
"What?" said the God, clearly surprised.
"Why don't you melt the snow?" repeated the light.
"Melt...the snow?" muttred the God to himself.
He pointed his finger at a snow bank. At first, nothing happened. After a few awkward seconds, a small patch of green began to show through.
"You're doing it!" yelled the light, excitedly.
The moment after he said that, a large flash enveloped the clearing, and the light was throw to the ground.
He stood up, rubbing the spots out of his eyes. When he opened them, he gasped.
The whole clearing was green and lush. Flowers grew from the ground, and large vines hung from the tree. In the center stood the Snow God. He stood with his mouth agape, absorbing what had just happened. The light suspected that this was one of the only times in the Gods life he wasn't spouting profanities.
While the God was taking in what just happened, the light snuck away.
When he returned to the camp, the air rolled over to see who was coming.
"What were you out doing?" he asked, eyebrow raised.
"Oh, nothing," lied the light, "Looking at some plants."
On that note the air rolled back over and went back to sleep.

When they woke up the next day...

the whole area was flooded. "Blublublubwhalt the blubfulck is thils?blub" said the air, underwater.
The light just looked the other way.
"Do you have something to do with this?" asked the air.
"..........................," (didn't) responded the light.
Just then, the fucking God of Snow didn't appear, completely unbeknownst to the air and light.
"Um, could you be a little more specific?" asked the air.
"Well, you see," started the light, "The water just kind of appeared there. Then I saw Jebus appear in the woods over there, even though i thought he was dead, yell 'Dammit!!!,' and just now you woke up."
As he said this, they saw a flash of light. As they looked over, Jebus-of-the-past disappeared in a cloud of smoke. Shortly after, the water disappeared.
"Well that was interesting," commented the air. And then they went to bed.

The next morning, they woke up. They looked around. "What the hell happened to all the trees?" asked the light.
Then they realized they forgot to put out the campfire. The whole forest was a charred wasteland.
"Dammit! Fuck! Fuck!" swore the air.

Just then, a nuke went off right next to them.

And all was silent.

(Yeah thats right mo' fo', I'm hijacking this story and characters for my own diabolical means. Biotch!)

Then Jebus...

went back in time and teleported the nuke to pluto before it went off. "oh well," he said. "it wasnt a planet anyway."

When he returned to earth, all he found was a barren waste land. There had been two nukes! Silly Jebus!

THE END OF THAT STORY FOR NOW.

UNTIL HERE:

Then...

the world asploded from lack of specificness. how unlucky for Jebus.

So, around the fifth time the earth asploded, Jebus was growning tired. He wanted to blow up other planets. Like Venus. So...

he built a crude rocket ship out of some hollowed-out trees and a few rockets he found lying next to a rocket launcher. but he realized that they would probably fail epically and blow him to pieces. so instead he decided to rob the nearby rocket fuel plant. when he finally broke through the security fencing, he was surprised to find no one there. so he started rolling barrels of rocket fuel to his ship. on the third or fourth trip, he heard moaning coming from behind a giant tank. curious, he went to see what it was. "OMG ZOMBIES!!!!" he shouted. then.....

He realised that he went back in time by accident to a few days before when zombies where Invading! OMG! So he decided to go find himself and Gil to help fight the zombies...that he already killed..before...? Anyway....

stuff happened. he found himself and gil, and they killed all the zombies. so they thought.

But there was still a midget and a giant zombie bat to deal with. The bat grabbed gil and ate him, and the midget kicked Past Jebus is the nuts. Only Future Jebus was left. His balls started to hurt. Then...

, infuriated, he kicked the bat down with a chainsaw he pulled out of its holster.

The midget, obviously awed with how Jebus kicked a bat with a chainsaw, abruptly asploded because everything was just too damn awesome for his brain to handle.
Then Jebus...